Even more sh*t Neurotypicals say that is getting even more annoying and frustrating
TW & CW // NT ignorance, ableism, the word “dead”, the words “work on”, “healthy/unhealthy”, “love yourself”, mentions of mental and emotional scarring, ableism, etc.
Hello everyone!!!!!!!
I’m back at it again and I ain’t stopping for anyone nor for myself!
This time, I’m creating a second part of my “sh*t that neurotypicals say” because my G-d, I want to keep adding more and more for folks to relate to.
No matter if any dislikers or if any NTs think that I “should” stop to make them more comfortable, haha they GOT IT ALL WRONG!!!!!!!! I AIN’T STOPPING!!!!!!!!
Now… onto the list!!!!
1. “No one cares about how you feel on the inside…”
Alrighty let’s take a good look on this one…
How do I put this… It’s rude and a douche move of someone to even say that to an Autistic person, especially when an Autistic person is still struggling with their self-identity and/or especially with their gender.
It’s also used to invalidate someone whenever they’re venting how they feel to an unsupportive (but typically) NT family member(s) because how they’re feeling isn’t perceived as a “”big deal”” by that NT family member(s), but to the Autistic person who vented to an unsupportive NT family member(s), what they’ve vented about is a huge deal to them.
Tip for NTs: Please take some advice, do not be an asshole to any Autistic family members you have, because when they vent to you, DO NOT SAY THIS AT ALL, EVER. If you say that to Autistic family members you have, then it’s more likely that they’ll react differently (varying from person to person), ranging from never talking to you for a long time or ever again, to ignoring you calling after them and/or pretending that you don’t exist.
2. “Why do you always act aggressively towards us?!”
Yeah… this one can be demonising/antagonising as hell.
This is one phrase that some NT parents can say to their Autistic children (whom some try to convince their children as them being “”normal”” like “you’re a normal person”, like hell no, normal is simply a prison-like curse created by society to harm those who refuse to conform to their bullsh*t, not to always make the person feel good about themself, and yet self-love communities wonder why people have the hardest time with accepting and appreciating themselves…) whenever their children physically and validly express/vent their frustration.
This phrase is also used whenever NT families try to guilt-trip their Autistic children and/or relatives in ever feeling ashamed of “”acting aggressively”” or not being subservient or being obedient towards them, and/or also whenever NT families try to shame their Autistic children/relatives into “”facing reality”” (translation: into being conformists for their capitalist and NT bullsh*t and to erase every single option they have to the point where there is none).
3. “Don’t make everything about you…”
Oh wow, who knew that this was going to teach us being humble or some nonsense? (/sarcastic)
Yeah, my take on this phrase is that it is belittling, minimising and dismissive when it comes to the cases of gender-modal/non-conforming, trans, enby and intersex folks being told this by their non-intersex and cis NT family members who have zero idea of how being both Autistic and Trans in life(gender-modal, enby, and/or anywhere else in the infinite gender spectrum where there are plenty of gender umbrellas, such as the transgender umbrella, the nonbinary umbrella, the xenogender umbrella, the neurogender umbrella, including many more gender-based umbrellas that are outside of the colonialist gender and sex binaries) works (can vary from person to person, and not every experience is universal) and especially how gender actually works (jokes on them, they only have minimal to zero understanding of this experience since being non-intersex, cisgender, heterosexual and NT is all they know in their personal experiences).
4. “I’m done putting up with you…”
To be frank, that can result in plenty of emotional and mental scarring, because not only has an NT family member made their Autistic relative(s) or child(ren) feel like they aren’t “allowed” to express their valid frustrations, emotions, or even their justifiable anger with them, but that they’re also sending the message of “bottle your emotions up, because unless you’re like us, don’t you ever dare feel enabled by people who understand you because we don’t care if you end up dead” with the fear of being kicked out of their house for being themself(ves) or for “rebelling” against some arbitrary “norm”, when in reality, they’re still learning how to stand up for themself(ves), because NT family members and parents don’t always know what is best for their children and/or relatives anyway.
Tip for NTs: Whatever you do, DO NOT EVER SAY THIS TO YOUR OWN CHILD/RELATIVE, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN YOU’VE DONE NOT ONLY PLENTY OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SCARRING, BUT ALSO A SH*TLOAD OF PSYCHOLOGICAL SCARRING THAT CAUSES YOUR CHILD OR RELATIVE TO NOT WANT TO RELY ON YOU ANYMORE OR TO EVEN ASK ANYTHING OF YOU EVER AGAIN, OR WORSE, TO NOT TRUST YOU EVER AGAIN. SO, NT FAMILY MEMBERS AND/OR PARENTS, BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS WISELY!
5. “Work on it!!!!”
Okay… as I’ve said previously, the words “work on”, “healthy/unhealthy”, “love yourself”, and more can become invalidating, condescending, and f*cking annoying over time because those words are just over-glorified and sometimes they can become frustrating when they’re overused too much…
A/N: As I’ve said before, I am completely fine with people utilising those words only for themselves and only for themselves since they’re understandably comfortable with them, but when it becomes uncritically embraced into our evolving languages and especially in how mental health is still perceived today (as someone on social media has stated, there’s always “mental health is health”, which works in theory because medical systems still invalidate people who go to emergency rooms because of any mental health concern they’re dealing with and their concerns end up being invalidated, along with policies that are very few and does little to nothing for folks dealing with a lot of mental health concerns), that’s when it starts to lose the original “enabling” feel it used to have, including it becoming a word that has an equal chance of being overused, but also an equal chance of being discarded once other words for “work on” (etc.) are made available.
Deep down, I wish that this word along with “healthy/unhealthy”, and “love yourself” are only decision-based instead of just being the only words to use in mental health and social equity literature because there’s plenty of words in languages we can utilise to come up with words some folks would personally feel comfortable with, and some would use to avoid the over-usage of “work on”, “healthy/unhealthy”, and “love yourself” (etc.) because those overused words can be reserved for folks who feel comfortable in using them, NEVER for those who understandably have a kneejerk reaction to them.
Tip for NTs: telling an Autistic person to “”work on it!”” doesn’t actually help solve anything, even if you would believe it so (but again, the words that have enabled, or in other terms, “empowered” others to focus on something that is literally ingrained within their individual personalities isn’t, and never will be the damn same as enabling others to make their own decisions if they feel personally comfortable with changing what they can easily manage about themselves). I won’t guarantee it, but again, it can help some people, but not every single human being.
6. “Help me understand!”
Okay, that was said to me by a predominantly white and NT teacher assistant who was with me for the entirety of my late elementary school years (grades 6 to 8), and it’s just an embodiment of a hypothetical skit that can involve an NT person questioning the validity of one’s own uniqueness while asking them to “help me understand” in some condescending manner (implying that what one is doing is morally and socially “inappropriate”, which can be f*cked of anyone, NT or not).
Sometimes it can really f*ck with any Autistic’s already fluctuating self-esteem (it ain’t permanent, but more fluctuating and fluid) and their fluid sense of their own self…
A/N: Oh yeah, I would like to point out that the word “Autism” is specifically derived from the Greek “autos”, directly translating to “self”, so when NTs demonise us being “self-ish” they’re demonising the fact that we feel tired of being antagonised by them, along with us holding ourselves accountable for our own decisions we’ve made for ourselves, including us feeling enabled to stand up to them because they’ve harmed and marginalised us for so long.
7. “Love yourself!”
I need to say this, but I’ll say it anyway. It can become tiring and exhausting to be conditioned by the majority of NT society to detest yourself, but being sent mixed messages as you grow older that are like this.
Wow, it’s now suddenly preached onto us when we’ve been antagonised and demonised not just for existing, but living in a world that was never made for us and for any marginalised group in the first place… Who knew? Was I supposed to connect the dots as my kneejerk reaction to “self-love” and “self-improvement” grew while getting months older? Or was I supposed to find that out as a lesson life teaches you with?
Of course, folks who genuinely like this and know that it personally benefits them are fine the way they are and they are also beneficial for future revolutions since they’re great at what they do (hell they are fine in my book as long as they know and/or understand or even have the bare minimum of human decency that “self-love” doesn’t personally benefit every single person, NEVER the ones who harper on about it, and NEVER the ones who preach it to those dealing with a “piss off!!!!” mental health battle, including their inner battles, self-doubt and self-hate battles while also invalidating how they feel and how they’re coping with life (again, I am not against those who self-harm, because I’d rather them have stronger and understanding support systems who don’t demonise them for self-harm (but accept that this is how they rationally respond when society expects others to have inner resources to fight (or in other terms “”work through””) their battles, but don’t actually practice this at all, but want them to feel more trapped and to be okay with their coping tethers and defense mechanisms be demonised and to be preached about “growth”), nor do they antagonise them for it, unlike how some parts of psychology [is predominantly NT, I’m sorry to say this, but I wish that it became more inclusive and with less finger-pointing and demonising] do it).
8. “Can you at least do something productive?”
Alright, this one is second for taking the cake on this list.
When NTs expect an ND/Autistic person to do something “productive”, they mean not being “”lazy”” (meaning lying down, or not doing anything like “helping”, “studying”, “finding a job”, etc.) and being good with “”time management””. This right there is both capitalist and ableist, in the sense that productivity is tied to ableism and to capitalism and how prominent it is at the surface, but over-glorified it can be when diving deeper into its rabbit hole to the point of shaming Autistic folks who are Chronically ill/Disabled for being unable to be “”productive”” like how NT and able-bodied people are.
Oh yeah, another thing about this statement is that how it demonises folks dealing with executive dysfunction because a person without executive dysfunction would only say things like “stop being so lazy!”, “work on being more productive!”, and the like. However, they fail to recognise how those statements would be detrimental towards the person coping with their executive dysfunction at the moment because all they know about the other person without it is that they’re invalidating them in a sense of “if something doesn’t visibly exist, then you either must be lying or I don’t see it!” in this way (summarises the NT condition).
Tip for NTs: If you’re telling someone to “”redirect your energy”” onto something “productive” as you’re hoping for them, I cannot guarantee you since my experiences AREN’T universal, but my own, that your kid would actually do that, but again, that depends on their own decisions whether they’d rather keep spiting you or to simply not go to you to vent ever again. In the end, the outcome of your words is all up to their reaction(s).
A/N: Hello folks! Sorry about the long list, but if some of y’all relate to this, then I’d like to inform y’all that you aren’t the only ones dealing with this (saying it out of reassurance and solidarity), because there’s others like us who go through similar sh*t that we can never truly win with, because NTs will always NT, but that doesn’t mean that we should take their cr*p either.
With Love,
A fem-looking ravenet gremlin and man ❤
